Free to Be Me....

I am new to the whole blog, but I felt called by the Holy Spirit to tell my story so here I am. I'm not sure where to start, or where I will go from here, but I guess obedience is a start. I'll just speak from the heart. I've tried for years to be everyone but me. I guess we all, at some time, realize I just want to be loved for me. When I finally loosened my grasp and allowed my Father to speak He opened the flood gates. He has poured more into me in the past few weeks than in the past 39 years of my life. He has spoken to me through songs, books, blogs, people, but most importantly His Word.

When you are busy trying to be someone else, you lose yourself. Thankfully I am a preschool teacher and I have the summer off . I have used this time to take refuge in my Savior. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1. Was I in physical harm? No, but I was in danger of losing myself. I was so wrapped up in what I didn't have that I couldn't see the blessings of what I do have.

For those of you that are reading this and don't know, we can't have children. I wore our infertility as a badge of shame. I felt like I needed to apologize or cover up the fact that I couldn't have children. I allowed it to consume me. I allowed it destroy relationships and rob me of happiness. I bought into the lie that I live in the south so something must be wrong with me if I don't have my perfect 2.5 children. I thought that children where the "only" gift from the Lord. But Finally got it..."I called to him and He answered and told me great and unsearchable things that I did not know." Jeremiah 33:3

When I finally stilled myself before my Father I realized He has richly blessed me. I am exactly who He designed ME to be..."I will rejoice because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14 I couldn't see that I was dishonoring Him when I wished to be someone else or be something that I wasn't designed to be. I couldn't see that when He looks at me "He" sees "wonderful, beautiful me." He doesn't see a disappointment, He just sees possibility. You see He called me by name (Isaiah 43:1) I am His. He has a plan for me. That plan is different from yours just as yours is different from mine.

I'm not completely sure what all my journey entails, but I finally feel free. Free, because I know that my Father loves me just as I am. Free because my Father takes great delight in me. "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

I realized that He has given me a freedom that others may not have. I think He knew that I just needed time to heal. Time to come to Him. "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8 Sometimes there is nothing like going home to your Father's arms and laying it at His throne.

I pray that you are thankful for the "wonderful, beautiful you" that you are. You are exactly who God designed you to be. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13

I hope that you will join me as I take this journey into freedom. At times it may be funny, others quirky, you just never know...I'm just along for the ride, my Father has the reign.